Dog Food

When did the disease start? That’s one question we are asking ourselves repeatedly. It’s a question that has no real answer and ultimately it has no point. It would be like asking, “Why?”

As I started to hear about my mother’s unusual reactions in situations, I would hear stories of her upsetting friends, family and strangers alike. She would make unreasonable requests, overreact and snap. This pushed many people in her life away.

She has always loved dogs. She has had a dog her entire adult life. As relationships were severed and people drifted out of her life, her bond with her dog deepened. It is not only a bond of affection and companionship, but also I believe a sense of control. She has something to take care of, something that gives her life meaning and purpose.

I realized a year ago that she was cutting her dog’s food into tiny pieces. She used to stab the pieces with a knife, often cutting her fingers and hands, damaging the countertops. I was shocked and would insist on telling her she couldn’t do that—that she was hurting herself, that it was ridiculous to do this.

I bought smaller dog food. She still sneaks into the kitchen and cuts or breaks up the dog food when I’m not watching. She has also started picking out specific pieces for her dog to eat. She will bend over for hours at a time and sift through the 16-pound bag of dog food searching for specific pieces. She sorts the varieties into piles and throws the undesired ones back—all while her dog waits hungrily at her feet.

My mother sorting dog food pieces into piles.

It’s a perplexing thing to watch. It makes no logical sense to me. Yet, I’ve given up on explaining this to her. There is a phrase that my family is coming to understand, “You cannot make her understand, so stop explaining.” So, when I find myself getting frustrated trying to explain logical reasoning to her, I realize there is not always a point to trying to answer the “Why?” And ultimately, as long as she puts the knives away, there is little harm—as long as the rest of us are checking the dog’s dish.

Our family’s reassuring phrase is not too different from another useful reminder,

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

 courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference…”